Staring at an empty chair: The Empty Nest Syndrome……

Empty Nest Syndrome” is the time of change following the leaving of your last child from the family home, whether for college, marriage, or a job in a different town. For many parents, this time of change can be upsetting. The effort of adjusting to your shifting role as a parent can lead to feelings of melancholy, lonesomeness, and diminished tenacity in life.

Some people are able to waft through the empty nest transition. After the early regulation, they find that they love their new lives and relish having more free time. Others count the days until their children coming back home for a holiday break, and then spend the day after they leave mourning and grieving for them all over again. The course of letting go of our children differs from person to person—and sometimes is diverse as each child leaves home.

There are two wonderful stories in the Bible about men who had to leave their homes and families. The stories of Jacob and Joseph tell of extended periods during which they were far away from home and out of contact with their families. Times were very different then. No telephones and no emails and slow and ineffective communication meant no postal services and no means of getting any news about the other. If a person moved, it could be years before anyone knew where he or she finally settled. Families lost members all too often. Jacob was forced to leave due to his own act of trickery towards his brother and duplicity towards his father. He must have suffered within himself all the years he was away. He faced the danger of his brother Esau’s wrath by returning to the land of his father Isaac. We do not know if God was reminding Jacob of the pain he caused his own father Isaac when God allowed Joseph to vanish for many years. Jacob was heartbroken and God did not whisper one word of encouragement to him. The story that unfolds is one that brings tears to the eyes of parents who have children living a long way from home.

Many factors have changed about the way our world looks today.  Jobs in faraway places call out to the young into jobs that often take them far away. Educational opportunities in foreign lands and distant universities are appealing. Parents who are growing old and who ought to be enjoying the fruits of their labors are left to wonder if their children are well, seeing their grandchildren only on rare occasions and for short periods of time. The grandparents often have little influence on the grandchildren, and visits to their children’s homes can be tense. Only parents who have experienced the empty nest will truly understand.

A verse in Proverbs is a great verse to live by: “Train up a child in the way he should go and when he is old, he will not depart from it.” In short, the best way to be ready to let go of our kids is to prepare them to live responsible, Godly lives–on their own.