Recently I had the occasion to attend a Christian wedding involving a convert family, some one who had come to know the Lord from another faith. Like most people, they chose to have the celebration in a church. In a way perhaps that was unfortunate. The church was less than half full as the convert family perhaps did not have too many people who would have felt comfortable in a church setting or perhaps had not even given their consent. As for the church, it was as bland as a bald man's pate and perhaps even on a routine Sunday, the church looked more alive, there being hardly available to decorate. One of the parties in the wedding was from a Christian home but his parents lived far away and for some reason, they too could not come. A priest with a vacant look intoned the vows and another gentleman got up and gave a canned sermon. At the time of the signing of the registers, there was a scramble to see who all were there in the congregation from whom witnesses could be found. The bridesmaid, the best man and all the accessories were provided by one party to the best of their ability. At the end of the ceremony refreshments were served out of the back of an ancient van.
I was reminded of own wedding. Knowing that I had no one to handle all the elaborate paraphernalia of a “Christian wedding”, I proposed dispensing with a church wedding and having a court ceremony under the Special Marriage Act of 1956. Later we could have a pastor stand us up in the Sunday service and pray for us. The Special Marriage Act incidentally is far more progressive and gender sensitive than the archaic Christian Marriage Act under which practically all church marriages happen. Over the years , I have also seen that marriages conducted with pomp in the church can fail, as can secular marriages and again both kinds of marriages can succeed and b a blessing. God is not any more or less present in a church than in a court room.
In the case of own marriage, I lost the battle to keep life simple, inexpensive and uncluttered. But fortunately I had a huge number of friends who turned up out of the woodwork and came forward to offer every kind of and help and I will always be grateful to them for what they did and ensure that the wedding ceremony was not bereft of a soul. Since then , I have usually kept my counsel on this matter , but after attending the wedding that I did , I realized afresh as to how traumatizing and complicated it is for converts with little or no support to put on and go through the trappings of a lifeless ceremony because that is the only model on offer.
Looking at the number of ministries that exist solely to save 'lost souls' and even otherwise, I would presume that the man outside the church walls is our primary customer. And yet, like the people whom the Jews sought to convert by crossing the seas and having converted him or her made life infinitely more difficult by their petty laws, we too have not made much progress. A big chunk of our “spiritual” activities is about witnessing to others and how to go about it, but our customer service is glitzy as long as the target is a prospective customer – jazzy camps, snazzy tracts and all that but once on the inside – the customer service turns sour-- dry doctrines and preaching, pious platitudes and advice but no organized effort really to lend a helping hand, except of course the few good men ----- and women that God in His grace brings.
There are many areas in which we can move to make life easier for those to whom we witnessed and who because the Holy Spirit then worked, accepted Jesus and chose to walk with Him believing that Christian Fellowship was for real and believing that left behind their families and the shelter and fellowship they offered. We cannot make Christian life easy, because in a fallen world, there will be always pain, tears and heartache but we can make it easier certainly. The elaborate rites of passage that we have – Baptisms , weddings, funerals --- all with their jaw clenching , socially draining , expensive and cumbersome rituals – are they really necessary the way we conduct them? Can we simplify life, just a little bit for the man and woman still outside the church door, so that they feel that they can breathe and thrive in Christ without the burden of history and tradition stifling them to death?
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